Adopting Taryn

I had a very vivid dream this morning, just before I woke up. It was set in a somewhat familiar city, like I had been there before. Except I'm sure that I had never been there before.

I was on a trolley type bus and wound up sitting next to this high school girl. She was using soft pastels to draw this really cool green and gold dragon. We started talking, and I asked her a question. It took a couple of moments for her to figure out her response, and while she was working on it, I reached my stop. She jumped off the bus after me to give me her answer, and then ran around the bus to jump back on. She had apparently done it before, but the driver wouldn't let her back on without charging her bus pass again. When the pass didn't work, the driver kicked her off the bus. She grabbed her things and walked slowly toward the marketplace that I was standing in, not sure what to do. I saw what happened, and approached her again. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me that she can only use her student bus pass to get to and from school, and only once per bus in each direction. I pulled out my wallet and gave her the money to get on the bus again, so that she could ride the next one home. I asked her if she needed to call and let someone know that she was going to be late, and she said that there was no one to call. This bothered me a little, but I wasn't too concerned. After all, she was old enough to get herself home safely. I walked into the marketplace and bought myself some cheese fries. I asked her if she would like a plate of them, and her eyes lit up. As we talked, she let little things slip, like how it didn't matter what time she got home, and how she was responsible for whatever she had for dinner in the evenings. As we talked, she began to trust me. We got something to drink at another one of the little stands, and began to walk toward where I lived. As she saw the house, her eyes became really big. She asked, "Do you live there all by yourself, or do others live there too? It's such a big house!" I told her that I lived there with my husband, but that we had no children. It was then that she asked me if she could stay with me. She told me about how she had been living on the streets, begging for money late at night. She used the money she received to buy her bus passes, to wash her school uniforms, and to buy a little bit of food. I asked her a few more questions about why she was on the street, and found out that she had lost her father as a little girl, and mother had substance abuse problems which caused her to become violent. The state had taken her and placed her into foster care, which is how she found herself in the school she was in. She had run away from the foster home after another abusive situation had arisen. I told her that we could go and get her things that she had stashed behind some bricks in a wall in an alley. After we picked up her things, she came home with me and was incredibly awed by how nice my home was. I set her up in one of the guest rooms, and told her that it would be her room as long as she stayed with us. When my husband got home, I told him how I had taken in this young girl and told her that she would have a home with us as long as she needed it. He was very upset that I hadn't consulted him about it, but when I pointed out how much danger she was in by living on the street, I convinced him to let her stay at least for the night. I was certain that I had made the right decision. He wasn't so sure. When we woke up the next morning, she had made us breakfast as a thank you for letting her stay. She had already showered and gotten herself ready for school. When she looked at us, you could see the question in her eyes, wondering if we were going to let her continue to stay with us or throw her out. I told her that this was her home now and that I would look forward to seeing her when we all got home. I asked what time school let out so that I could make sure that one of us was home to let her in the door when she got there. Then she left for school.

That is the point where I woke up. I'm not sure what it means, but I've had several dreams where I've adopted teenage girls in the last few days, so I'm sure there is a meaning, I just don't know what yet.

Battle Preparations

Have you ever sat there and just been like "I don't know what God is doing, but there is something huge in the works?" That is the feeling that I have been getting for a few weeks or so now. My daily devotions have been consistently echoing the same idea. That idea is one of personal challenge and testing of faith for me.

I've only in the past few years learned that there is something called spiritual warfare. Even after I had first heard of it, I was certain that it was something not intended for me to deal with. That it was something intended for the much more spiritually mature than I was. Except lately it has been coming up in my devotions much more often than I am comfortable with.

Another topic that keeps coming up is prophecy. This is another topic which is relatively new to me. I have started to test what I was taught as a child about prophecy, especially modern day prophecy, and have found it to be incorrect. But this means that I am quickly learning about it, and finding myself encountering it in my life in a rather unsettling way.

A third topic that has been coming up a lot is the giftings that God has blessed me with, and the calling for my life that best uses these. While I'm comfortable with the idea of teaching from a textbook a traditional academic subject, I'm not that comfortable with teaching from my own experiences. But this is the direction God seems to be taking me.

I feel like He is telling me that it is time to make sure that all of the preparations He is leading me to make are in order, because the time until I truly enter the spiritual war that is going on is very near.
I feel like He is telling me that I'm going to be using my story to help others a lot more and very soon. There is a lot that He is leading me toward, and I have to pay attention to what it is that He wants in order for me to reach the point where He wants me to be.

I know that because I intend to follow where God is leading, I am going to be forced to face any and all tactics of the devil wanting to lure me back to who I used to be. But I know that through God, I will be able to stand strong and fight the battles I need to fight, because God has already won them.

I feel like Satan has realized that just tempting me isn't working, because I have so many who will stand strong around me and with me, that he must go out and hunt those whom I love but are not following God. My brother was in what could have easily been a very serious accident, but thankfully walked away. He is sore today,  but otherwise he is fine. The truck, unfortunately, will likely be written off by the insurance company as a total loss.

Preparing For War (1 of 5)

There is constantly spiritual warfare going on all around us, but sometimes the battle is brought to us, or we to it. The Lord gives us signs and reminders that He is there with us, through the easy wins and the hard fought battles.

Isaiah 8:9-10

 ⁹ Raise the war cry, you nations, and be shattered!

  Listen, all you distant lands.
Prepare for battle, and be shattered!
   Prepare for battle, and be shattered!
¹⁰ Devise your strategy, but it will be thwarted;
   propose your plan, but it will not stand,
   for God is with us.

Exodus 40

Setting Up the Tabernacle

 ¹ Then the LORD said to Moses: ² “Set up the tabernacle, the tent of meeting, on the first day of the first month. ³ Place the ark of the covenant law in it and shield the ark with the curtain. ⁴ Bring in the table and set out what belongs on it. Then bring in the lampstand and set up its lamps. ⁵Place the gold altar of incense in front of the ark of the covenant law and put the curtain at the entrance to the tabernacle.

 ⁶ “Place the altar of burnt offering in front of the entrance to the tabernacle, the tent of meeting; ⁷place the basin between the tent of meeting and the altar and put water in it. ⁸ Set up the courtyard around it and put the curtain at the entrance to the courtyard.

 ⁹ “Take the anointing oil and anoint the tabernacle and everything in it; consecrate it and all its furnishings, and it will be holy. ¹⁰ Then anoint the altar of burnt offering and all its utensils; consecrate the altar, and it will be most holy. ¹¹ Anoint the basin and its stand and consecrate them.

 ¹² “Bring Aaron and his sons to the entrance to the tent of meeting and wash them with water. ¹³Then dress Aaron in the sacred garments, anoint him and consecrate him so he may serve me as priest. ¹⁴ Bring his sons and dress them in tunics. ¹⁵ Anoint them just as you anointed their father, so they may serve me as priests. Their anointing will be to a priesthood that will continue throughout their generations.” ¹⁶ Moses did everything just as the LORD commanded him.

Isaiah 13

A Prophecy Against Babylon

 ¹ A prophecy against Babylon that Isaiah son of Amoz saw: ² Raise a banner on a bare hilltop,
   shout to them;
beckon to them
   to enter the gates of the nobles.
³ I have commanded those I prepared for battle;
   I have summoned my warriors to carry out my wrath—
   those who rejoice in my triumph.
 ⁴ Listen, a noise on the mountains,
   like that of a great multitude!
Listen, an uproar among the kingdoms,
   like nations massing together!
The LORD Almighty is mustering
   an army for war.
⁵ They come from faraway lands,
   from the ends of the heavens—
the LORD and the weapons of his wrath—
   to destroy the whole country.
 ⁶ Wail, for the day of the LORD is near;
   it will come like destruction from the Almighty.^[a]
7 Because of this, all hands will go limp,
   every heart will melt with fear.
⁸ Terror will seize them,
   pain and anguish will grip them;
   they will writhe like a woman in labor.
They will look aghast at each other,
   their faces aflame.
 ⁹ See, the day of the LORD is coming
   —a cruel day, with wrath and fierce anger—
to make the land desolate
   and destroy the sinners within it.
¹⁰ The stars of heaven and their constellations
   will not show their light.
The rising sun will be darkened
   and the moon will not give its light.
¹¹ I will punish the world for its evil,
   the wicked for their sins.
I will put an end to the arrogance of the haughty
   and will humble the pride of the ruthless.
¹² I will make people scarcer than pure gold,
   more rare than the gold of Ophir.
¹³ Therefore I will make the heavens tremble;
   and the earth will shake from its place
at the wrath of the LORD Almighty,
   in the day of his burning anger.
 ¹⁴ Like a hunted gazelle,
   like sheep without a shepherd,
they will all return to their own people,
   they will flee to their native land.
¹⁵ Whoever is captured will be thrust through;
   all who are caught will fall by the sword.
¹⁶ Their infants will be dashed to pieces before their eyes;
   their houses will be looted and their wives violated.
 ¹⁷ See, I will stir up against them the Medes,
   who do not care for silver
   and have no delight in gold.
¹⁸ Their bows will strike down the young men;
   they will have no mercy on infants,
   nor will they look with compassion on children.
¹⁹ Babylon, the jewel of kingdoms,
   the pride and glory of the Babylonians,^[b]
will be overthrown by God
   like Sodom and Gomorrah.
²⁰ She will never be inhabited
   or lived in through all generations;
there no nomads will pitch their tents,
   there no shepherds will rest their flocks.
²¹ But desert creatures will lie there,
   jackals will fill her houses;
there the owls will dwell,
   and there the wild goats will leap about.
²² Hyenas will inhabit her strongholds,
   jackals her luxurious palaces.
Her time is at hand,
   and her days will not be prolonged.

Dear Warrior Princesses (and Princes too!)

I'm not talking about Xena, but about each of us. We are warriors of God. We are called to stand together and fight for the souls of each other and those who have yet to come to Christ. We are about to enter into a mighty war, one which has raged from the time we were exiled from the Garden, one which will continue until Christ returns. It is time to rise up and join with the legions of Heaven to fight this eternal battle. It is time to raise the banners, let the battle cries be heard. These are the words of God, given in the past, meant to be spoken in the present, so that the future might be saved.

A charge to the warriors - so that we may be in God's full and complete will.


Psalm 78

A maskil of Asaph.

 ¹ My people, hear my teaching;
   listen to the words of my mouth.
² I will open my mouth with a parable;
   I will utter hidden things, things from of old—
³ things we have heard and known,
   things our ancestors have told us.
⁴ We will not hide them from their descendants;
   we will tell the next generation
the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD,
   his power, and the wonders he has done.
⁵ He decreed statutes for Jacob
   and established the law in Israel,
which he commanded our ancestors
   to teach their children,
⁶ so the next generation would know them,
   even the children yet to be born,
   and they in turn would tell their children.
⁷ Then they would put their trust in God
   and would not forget his deeds
   but would keep his commands.
⁸ They would not be like their ancestors—
   a stubborn and rebellious generation,
whose hearts were not loyal to God,
   whose spirits were not faithful to him.

Ezekiel 2

Ezekiel’s Call to Be a Prophet

 ¹ He said to me, “Son of man, stand up on your feet and I will speak to you.” ² As he spoke, the Spirit came into me and raised me to my feet, and I heard him speaking to me.

 ³ He said: “Son of man, I am sending you to the Israelites, to a rebellious nation that has rebelled against me; they and their ancestors have been in revolt against me to this very day. ⁴ The people to whom I am sending you are obstinate and stubborn. Say to them, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says.’ ⁵ And whether they listen or fail to listen—for they are a rebellious people—they will know that a prophet has been among them. ⁶And you, son of man, do not be afraid of them or their words. Do not be afraid, though briers and thorns are all around you and you live among scorpions. Do not be afraid of what they say or be terrified by them, though they are a rebellious people. ⁷ You must speak my words to them, whether they listen or fail to listen, for they are rebellious. ⁸ But you, son of man, listen to what I say to you. Do not rebel like that rebellious people; open your mouth and eat what I give you.”

 ⁹ Then I looked, and I saw a hand stretched out to me. In it was a scroll, ¹⁰ which he unrolled before me. On both sides of it were written words of lament and mourning and woe.

Ezekiel 3

 ¹ And he said to me, “Son of man, eat what is before you, eat this scroll; then go and speak to the people of Israel.” ² So I opened my mouth, and he gave me the scroll to eat.

 ³ Then he said to me, “Son of man, eat this scroll I am giving you and fill your stomach with it.” So I ate it, and it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth.

 ⁴ He then said to me: “Son of man, go now to the people of Israel and speak my words to them. ⁵ You are not being sent to a people of obscure speech and strange language, but to the people of Israel— ⁶ not to many peoples of obscure speech and strange language, whose words you cannot understand. Surely if I had sent you to them, they would have listened to you. ⁷But the people of Israel are not willing to listen to you because they are not willing to listen to me, for all the Israelites are hardened and obstinate. ⁸ But I will make you as unyielding and hardened as they are. ⁹ I will make your forehead like the hardest stone, harder than flint. Do not be afraid of them or terrified by them, though they are a rebellious people.”

 ¹⁰ And he said to me, “Son of man, listen carefully and take to heart all the words I speak to you. ¹¹ Go now to your people in exile and speak to them. Say to them, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says,’ whether they listen or fail to listen.”

 ¹² Then the Spirit lifted me up, and I heard behind me a loud rumbling sound as the glory of the LORD rose from the place where it was standing. ¹³ It was the sound of the wings of the living creatures brushing against each other and the sound of the wheels beside them, a loud rumbling sound. ¹⁴ The Spirit then lifted me up and took me away, and I went in bitterness and in the anger of my spirit, with the strong hand of the LORD on me. ¹⁵ I came to the exiles who lived at Tel Aviv near the Kebar River. And there, where they were living, I sat among them for seven days—deeply distressed.

Jeremiah 12:6-17

⁶ Your relatives, members of your own family—
   even they have betrayed you;
   they have raised a loud cry against you.
Do not trust them,
   though they speak well of you.

 ⁷ “I will forsake my house,
   abandon my inheritance;
I will give the one I love
   into the hands of her enemies.
⁸ My inheritance has become to me
   like a lion in the forest.
She roars at me;
   therefore I hate her.
⁹ Has not my inheritance become to me
   like a speckled bird of prey
   that other birds of prey surround and attack?
Go and gather all the wild beasts;
   bring them to devour.
¹⁰ Many shepherds will ruin my vineyard
   and trample down my field;
they will turn my pleasant field
   into a desolate wasteland.
¹¹ It will be made a wasteland,
   parched and desolate before me;
the whole land will be laid waste
   because there is no one who cares.
¹² Over all the barren heights in the desert
   destroyers will swarm,
for the sword of the LORD will devour
   from one end of the land to the other;
   no one will be safe.
¹³ They will sow wheat but reap thorns;
   they will wear themselves out but gain nothing.
They will bear the shame of their harvest
   because of the LORD’s fierce anger.”

 ¹⁴ This is what the LORD says: “As for all my wicked neighbors who seize the inheritance I gave my people Israel, I will uproot them from their lands and I will uproot the people of Judah from among them. ¹⁵ But after I uproot them, I will again have compassion and will bring each of them back to their own inheritance and their own country. ¹⁶ And if they learn well the ways of my people and swear by my name, saying, ‘As surely as the LORD lives’—even as they once taught my people to swear by Baal—then they will be established among my people.¹⁷ But if any nation does not listen, I will completely uproot and destroy it,” declares the LORD.

Psalm 106

 ¹ Praise the LORD.

   Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
   his love endures forever.

 ² Who can proclaim the mighty acts of the LORD
   or fully declare his praise?
³ Blessed are those who act justly,
   who always do what is right.

 ⁴ Remember me, LORD, when you show favor to your people,
   come to my aid when you save them,
⁵ that I may enjoy the prosperity of your chosen ones,
   that I may share in the joy of your nation
   and join your inheritance in giving praise.

 ⁶ We have sinned, even as our ancestors did;
   we have done wrong and acted wickedly.
⁷ When our ancestors were in Egypt,
   they gave no thought to your miracles;
they did not remember your many kindnesses,
   and they rebelled by the sea, the Red Sea.
⁸ Yet he saved them for his name’s sake,
   to make his mighty power known.
⁹ He rebuked the Red Sea, and it dried up;
   he led them through the depths as through a desert.
¹⁰ He saved them from the hand of the foe;
   from the hand of the enemy he redeemed them.
¹¹ The waters covered their adversaries;
   not one of them survived.
¹² Then they believed his promises
   and sang his praise.

 ¹³ But they soon forgot what he had done
   and did not wait for his plan to unfold.
¹⁴ In the desert they gave in to their craving;
   in the wilderness they put God to the test.
¹⁵ So he gave them what they asked for,
   but sent a wasting disease among them.

 ¹⁶ In the camp they grew envious of Moses
   and of Aaron, who was consecrated to the LORD.
¹⁷ The earth opened up and swallowed Dathan;
   it buried the company of Abiram.
¹⁸ Fire blazed among their followers;
   a flame consumed the wicked.
¹⁹ At Horeb they made a calf
   and worshiped an idol cast from metal.
²⁰ They exchanged their glorious God
   for an image of a bull, which eats grass.
²¹ They forgot the God who saved them,
   who had done great things in Egypt,
²² miracles in the land of Ham
   and awesome deeds by the Red Sea.
²³ So he said he would destroy them—
   had not Moses, his chosen one,
stood in the breach before him
   to keep his wrath from destroying them.

 ²⁴ Then they despised the pleasant land;
   they did not believe his promise.
²⁵ They grumbled in their tents
   and did not obey the LORD.
²⁶ So he swore to them with uplifted hand
   that he would make them fall in the wilderness,
²⁷ make their descendants fall among the nations
   and scatter them throughout the lands.

 ²⁸ They yoked themselves to the Baal of Peor
   and ate sacrifices offered to lifeless gods;
²⁹ they aroused the LORD’s anger by their wicked deeds,
   and a plague broke out among them.
³⁰ But Phinehas stood up and intervened,
   and the plague was checked.
³¹ This was credited to him as righteousness
   for endless generations to come.
³² By the waters of Meribah they angered the LORD,
   and trouble came to Moses because of them;
³³ for they rebelled against the Spirit of God,
   and rash words came from Moses’ lips.

 ³⁴ They did not destroy the peoples
   as the LORD had commanded them,
³⁵ but they mingled with the nations
   and adopted their customs.
³⁶ They worshiped their idols,
   which became a snare to them.
³⁷ They sacrificed their sons
   and their daughters to false gods.
³⁸ They shed innocent blood,
   the blood of their sons and daughters,
whom they sacrificed to the idols of Canaan,
   and the land was desecrated by their blood.
³⁹ They defiled themselves by what they did;
   by their deeds they prostituted themselves.

 ⁴⁰ Therefore the LORD was angry with his people
   and abhorred his inheritance.
⁴¹ He gave them into the hands of the nations,
   and their foes ruled over them.
⁴² Their enemies oppressed them
   and subjected them to their power.
⁴³ Many times he delivered them,
   but they were bent on rebellion
   and they wasted away in their sin.
⁴⁴ Yet he took note of their distress
   when he heard their cry;
⁴⁵ for their sake he remembered his covenant
   and out of his great love he relented.
⁴⁶ He caused all who held them captive
   to show them mercy.

 ⁴⁷ Save us, LORD our God,
   and gather us from the nations,
that we may give thanks to your holy name
   and glory in your praise.

 ⁴⁸ Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel,
   from everlasting to everlasting.

   Let all the people say, “Amen!”

   Praise the LORD.

Jeremiah 42:1-18

¹ Then all the army officers, including Johanan son of Kareah and Jezaniah son of Hoshaiah, and all the people from the least to the greatest approached ² Jeremiah the prophet and said to him, “Please hear our petition and pray to the LORD your God for this entire remnant. For as you now see, though we were once many, now only a few are left. ³ Pray that the LORD your God will tell us where we should go and what we should do.”

 ⁴ “I have heard you,” replied Jeremiah the prophet. “I will certainly pray to the LORD your God as you have requested; I will tell you everything the LORD says and will keep nothing back from you.”

 ⁵ Then they said to Jeremiah, “May the LORD be a true and faithful witness against us if we do not act in accordance with everything the LORD your God sends you to tell us. ⁶ Whether it is favorable or unfavorable, we will obey the LORD our God, to whom we are sending you, so that it will go well with us, for we will obey the LORD our God.”

 ⁷ Ten days later the word of the LORD came to Jeremiah. ⁸ So he called together Johanan son of Kareah and all the army officers who were with him and all the people from the least to the greatest. ⁹ He said to them, “This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, to whom you sent me to present your petition, says: ¹⁰ ‘If you stay in this land, I will build you up and not tear you down; I will plant you and not uproot you, for I have relented concerning the disaster I have inflicted on you. ¹¹ Do not be afraid of the king of Babylon, whom you now fear. Do not be afraid of him, declares the LORD, for I am with you and will save you and deliver you from his hands. ¹² I will show you compassion so that he will have compassion on you and restore you to your land.’

 ¹³ “However, if you say, ‘We will not stay in this land,’ and so disobey the LORD your God, ¹⁴ and if you say, ‘No, we will go and live in Egypt, where we will not see war or hear the trumpet or be hungry for bread,’ ¹⁵ then hear the word of the LORD, you remnant of Judah. This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: ‘If you are determined to go to Egypt and you do go to settle there, ¹⁶ then the sword you fear will overtake you there, and the famine you dread will follow you into Egypt, and there you will die. ¹⁷ Indeed, all who are determined to go to Egypt to settle there will die by the sword, famine and plague; not one of them will survive or escape the disaster I will bring on them.’ ¹⁸ This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: ‘As my anger and wrath have been poured out on those who lived in Jerusalem, so will my wrath be poured out on you when you go to Egypt. You will be a curse and an object of horror, a curse and an object of reproach; you will never see this place again.’

The Battle Cry of God!

Jeremiah 7:21-29

New International Version (NIV)

 ²¹ “‘This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: Go ahead, add your burnt offerings to your other sacrifices and eat the meat yourselves! ²² For when I brought your ancestors out of Egypt and spoke to them, I did not just give them commands about burnt offerings and sacrifices, ²³ but I gave them this command: Obey me, and I will be your God and you will be my people. Walk in obedience to all I command you, that it may go well with you. ²⁴ But they did not listen or pay attention; instead, they followed the stubborn inclinations of their evil hearts. They went backward and not forward. ²⁵ From the time your ancestors left Egypt until now, day after day, again and again I sent you my servants the prophets. ²⁶ But they did not listen to me or pay attention. They were stiff-necked and did more evil than their ancestors.’
 ²⁷ “When you tell them all this, they will not listen to you; when you call to them, they will not answer. ²⁸ Therefore say to them, ‘This is the nation that has not obeyed the LORD its God or responded to correction. Truth has perished; it has vanished from their lips.
 ²⁹ “‘Cut off your hair and throw it away; take up a lament on the barren heights, for the LORD has rejected and abandoned this generation that is under his wrath.

Jeremiah 25:15-38

The Cup of God’s Wrath

 ¹⁵ This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, said to me: “Take from my hand this cup filled with the wine of my wrath and make all the nations to whom I send you drink it. ¹⁶ When they drink it, they will stagger and go mad because of the sword I will send among them.” ¹⁷ So I took the cup from the LORD’s hand and made all the nations to whom he sent me drink it: ¹⁸ Jerusalem and the towns of Judah, its kings and officials, to make them a ruin and an object of horror and scorn, a curse—as they are today; ¹⁹Pharaoh king of Egypt, his attendants, his officials and all his people, ²⁰ and all the foreign people there; all the kings of Uz; all the kings of the Philistines (those of Ashkelon, Gaza, Ekron, and the people left at Ashdod); ²¹ Edom, Moab and Ammon; ²²all the kings of Tyre and Sidon; the kings of the coastlands across the sea; ²³ Dedan, Tema, Buz and all who are in distant places; ²⁴ all the kings of Arabia and all the kings of the foreign people who live in the wilderness; ²⁵ all the kings of Zimri, Elam and Media; ²⁶ and all the kings of the north, near and far, one after the other—all the kingdoms on the face of the earth. And after all of them, the king of Sheshak will drink it too.

 ²⁷ “Then tell them, ‘This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: Drink, get drunk and vomit, and fall to rise no more because of the sword I will send among you.’ ²⁸ But if they refuse to take the cup from your hand and drink, tell them, ‘This is what the LORD Almighty says: You must drink it! ²⁹See, I am beginning to bring disaster on the city that bears my Name, and will you indeed go unpunished? You will not go unpunished, for I am calling down a sword on all who live on the earth, declares the LORD Almighty.’

 ³⁰ “Now prophesy all these words against them and say to them:

   “‘The LORD will roar from on high;

   he will thunder from his holy dwelling

   and roar mightily against his land.

He will shout like those who tread the grapes,

   shout against all who live on the earth.

³¹ The tumult will resound to the ends of the earth,

   for the LORD will bring charges against the nations;

he will bring judgment on all mankind

   and put the wicked to the sword,’”

            declares the LORD.

 ³² This is what the LORD Almighty says:

   “Look! Disaster is spreading

   from nation to nation;

a mighty storm is rising

   from the ends of the earth.”

 ³³ At that time those slain by the LORD will be everywhere—from one end of the earth to the other. They will not be mourned or gathered up or buried, but will be like dung lying on the ground.

 ³⁴ Weep and wail, you shepherds;

   roll in the dust, you leaders of the flock.

For your time to be slaughtered has come;

   you will fall like the best of the rams.

³⁵ The shepherds will have nowhere to flee,

   the leaders of the flock no place to escape.

³⁶ Hear the cry of the shepherds,

   the wailing of the leaders of the flock,

   for the LORD is destroying their pasture.

³⁷ The peaceful meadows will be laid waste

   because of the fierce anger of the LORD.

³⁸ Like a lion he will leave his lair,

   and their land will become desolate

because of the sword of the oppressor

   and because of the LORD’s fierce anger.

Amos 3

Witnesses Summoned Against Israel

 ¹ Hear this word, people of Israel, the word the LORD has spoken against you—against the whole family I brought up out of Egypt:

 ² “You only have I chosen
   of all the families of the earth;
therefore I will punish you
   for all your sins.”

 ³ Do two walk together
   unless they have agreed to do so?
⁴ Does a lion roar in the thicket
   when it has no prey?
Does it growl in its den
   when it has caught nothing?
⁵ Does a bird swoop down to a trap on the ground
   when no bait is there?
Does a trap spring up from the ground
   if it has not caught anything?
⁶ When a trumpet sounds in a city,
   do not the people tremble?
When disaster comes to a city,
   has not the LORD caused it?

 ⁷ Surely the Sovereign LORD does nothing
   without revealing his plan
   to his servants the prophets.

 ⁸ The lion has roared—
   who will not fear?
The Sovereign LORD has spoken—
   who can but prophesy?

 ⁹ Proclaim to the fortresses of Ashdod
   and to the fortresses of Egypt:
“Assemble yourselves on the mountains of Samaria;
   see the great unrest within her
   and the oppression among her people.”

 ¹⁰ “They do not know how to do right,” declares the LORD,
   “who store up in their fortresses
   what they have plundered and looted.”

 ¹¹ Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says:

   “An enemy will overrun your land,
   pull down your strongholds
   and plunder your fortresses.”

 ¹² This is what the LORD says:

   “As a shepherd rescues from the lion’s mouth
   only two leg bones or a piece of an ear,
so will the Israelites living in Samaria be rescued,
   with only the head of a bed
   and a piece of fabric from a couch.”

 ¹³ “Hear this and testify against the descendants of Jacob,” declares the Lord, the LORD God Almighty.

 ¹⁴ “On the day I punish Israel for her sins,
   I will destroy the altars of Bethel;
the horns of the altar will be cut off
   and fall to the ground.
¹⁵ I will tear down the winter house
   along with the summer house;
the houses adorned with ivory will be destroyed
   and the mansions will be demolished,”
            declares the LORD.

Ezekiel 30

   A Lament Over Egypt

 ¹ The word of the LORD came to me: ² “Son of man, prophesy and say: ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says:

   “‘Wail and say,
   “Alas for that day!”
³ For the day is near,
   the day of the LORD is near—
a day of clouds,
   a time of doom for the nations.
⁴ A sword will come against Egypt,
   and anguish will come upon Cush.
When the slain fall in Egypt,
   her wealth will be carried away
   and her foundations torn down.

 ⁵ Cush and Libya, Lydia and all Arabia, Kub and the people of the covenant land will fall by the sword along with Egypt.

 ⁶ “‘This is what the LORD says:

   “‘The allies of Egypt will fall
   and her proud strength will fail.
From Migdol to Aswan
   they will fall by the sword within her,
            declares the Sovereign LORD.
⁷ “‘They will be desolate
   among desolate lands,
and their cities will lie
   among ruined cities.
⁸ Then they will know that I am the LORD,
   when I set fire to Egypt
   and all her helpers are crushed.

1 Chronicles 5:18-20

¹⁸ The Reubenites, the Gadites and the half-tribe of Manasseh had 44,760 men ready for military service—able-bodied men who could handle shield and sword, who could use a bow, and who were trained for battle. ¹⁹ They waged war against the Hagrites, Jetur, Naphish and Nodab. ²⁰ They were helped in fighting them, and God delivered the Hagrites and all their allies into their hands, because they cried out to him during the battle. He answered their prayers, because they trusted in him.

Numbers 21:34-35

New International Version (NIV)

 ³⁴ The LORD said to Moses, “Do not be afraid of him, for I have delivered him into your hands, along with his whole army and his land. Do to him what you did to Sihon king of the Amorites, who reigned in Heshbon.”
 ³⁵ So they struck him down, together with his sons and his whole army, leaving them no survivors. And they took possession of his land.

Jeremiah 33:6-13

New International Version (NIV)

 ⁶ “‘Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security. ⁷ I will bring Judah and Israel back from captivity^[a]and will rebuild them as they were before. ⁸ I will cleanse them from all the sin they have committed against me and will forgive all their sins of rebellion against me. ⁹ Then this city will bring me renown, joy, praise and honor before all nations on earth that hear of all the good things I do for it; and they will be in awe and will tremble at the abundant prosperity and peace I provide for it.’
 ¹⁰ “This is what the LORD says: ‘You say about this place, “It is a desolate waste, without people or animals.” Yet in the towns of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem that are deserted, inhabited by neither people nor animals, there will be heard once more ¹¹ the sounds of joy and gladness, the voices of bride and bridegroom, and the voices of those who bring thank offerings to the house of the LORD, saying,
   “Give thanks to the LORD Almighty,
   for the LORD is good;
   his love endures forever.”
   For I will restore the fortunes of the land as they were before,’ says the LORD.
 ¹² “This is what the LORD Almighty says: ‘In this place, desolate and without people or animals—in all its towns there will again be pastures for shepherds to rest their flocks. ¹³ In the towns of the hill country, of the western foothills and of the Negev, in the territory of Benjamin, in the villages around Jerusalem and in the towns of Judah, flocks will again pass under the hand of the one who counts them,’ says the LORD.

In The Days That Followed...

Broken - Lifehouse
A few days ago, I was so shattered that I felt abandoned by everyone, including God. I know it's not the truth, that there were and are many just waiting to stand next to me as I face down the strongest of my own demons. I felt like I was so desperate to stop feeling the way I was that I was contemplating suicide. Through the pain is where I will find healing, because in order for a wound to heal, you have to clean it out. If you just cover it up, eventually the wound will become infected and you will have a much more dangerous situation.

That's What Faith Can Do - Kutless
It is when we step beyond our deepest pain to reach out to someone, anyone, that we acknowledge our weakness. As scripture points out, it is in our weakness that God's strength is revealed. Reaching out is scary, no matter how trustworthy the person we are reaching for has proven themselves. When we make that contact, it means that two or more are gathered and that we present a united front against temptation and damage to ourselves.

Forgiven - Sanctus Real
It doesn't matter what you have done, God says that it can be forgiven. It doesn't matter how bad your past looks, there will always be those who were better and those who were worse than you were. We are not called to forever remain the person that we were, but we are called to become the person that we are destined to be. I have so much in my past that I have struggled most of my life with feeling that I'm not worthy of forgiveness, that God isn't big enough to forgive me because of all that I have done. Except God is big enough to forgive all of us.

Someone Worth Dying For - MikesChair
God sees each and every one of us as someone worthy of giving Himself for. He sees us for who we can be, not the way that the world sees us. He wishes that we could see ourselves and each other the way that He does.

How He Loves Us - Kim Walker/ Jesus Culture
We don't always realize that we are worthy of what Jesus did for us. But He knows that we are. It doesn't matter what it is, He is ready to redeem us through His love.

Sweetly Broken - Jeremy Riddle
Through His actions, Christ showed us what it truly means to be broken. It doesn't mean that we are just at our lowest point, it means that we are at the point where we can go no further on our own power. We don't deserve the redeeming love that is poured out on us in our brokenness. This is the point where I am still struggling, the idea of wholly surrendering myself to God. I know He wants me to, but that doesn't make it easier.

Courageous - Casting Crowns
It isn't easy to lay it all down and surrender at the feet of God. It takes a huge amount of courage, so much that we don't have it in us to push all the way on our own. God is calling us to reach beyond ourselves and serve Him in the way we should. He does not want to see any lost, and that means stepping up to the plate and reaching out to our neighbors  - an act requiring courage. I'm working on getting to the point where I am comfortable sharing my faith with anyone, regardless of the lines I have to cross to do so.

In Better Hands - Natalie Grant
Where is our life more secure? Resting securely in the hands of God or clutched desperately in our own hands? Would you rather be holding on to the edge of a cliff, about to fall to your own demise or being held in the arms of your Father, holding you securely, tucked close to His heart? It's time to place our lives in His hands. Our hands are but a part of our body, but His are big enough to lift everyone in the world up at the same time. We are absolutely in better hands when we allow ourselves to be in God's hands.

Broken

(11/2/11)I feel like I'm so broken today. Like God is millions of miles away with his back turned. I'm at that point where I want to want Him, but I don't even know how to process what I feel.

I feel like I want to silence the pain of the nothingness that I'm feeling.  I just want to push everyone and everything away, but for some reason I don't know how. I just want to end feeling like this, and I don't care how.

(11/3/11) Some of my thoughts yesterday:
I woke up this morning ready to cut myself again. By the time I left for work I was having visions of deliberately walking into lake michigan and not coming out.

i'm so scared of myself right now and just being like this.
and i'm angry with myself for being tempted.
i don't see why i'm still on earth. i'm not worth anything. i'm just a fucked up mess

cause it's just one more step from not loving me to hurting me.
and from emotional pain comes physical pain and abuse.

if i can just control the pain then i'm safe. but putting my heart on the line only leads to pain in the end.

i realized that i have no idea how to love anyone or anything
i feel completely unlovable... even though ben loves me

this morning i knew it was going to be bad when i turned the radio off and screamed at the top of my lungs in the car while driving down i-290

i think the last time i actually opened my Bible was when we were in nashville

i wish i knew what was triggering me to get so fucked up... maybe then i could make it stop

i've had several people suggest in the last week or so that God is preparing to call me deeper again... and if this is what deeper feels like, i'm not sure i want it

it's kind of frustrating to me that i can be feeling so strong with God (like i was last week) and this week i'm ready to end it all... i don't know why i'm like this.

• • • 
      

This is my me and God song right now - Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want. I don't care so much if it doesn't make sense to anyone else, it's the best explanation I have. When the song says "He is"... it's everyone talking with me about God, but when it switches to "I am" it's God talking to me Himself.

I do want to send a special shout out to four people who saw how desperate I was becoming and didn't just sit there and quietly let me end it all yesterday - Ben, Sheri, Libby, and Rose. You all mean so much to me. 

The Message of Music

I feel so broken and weak right now. I know that I need more of God when I get like this, but when reading scripture felt like too much, I knew that I needed to just stop and worship, to let the words of others minister to my soul.

Mandisa - Stronger
Building 429 - Glory Defined
Matthew West - Strong Enough
Jeremy Riddle - Sweetly Broken
Jeremy Camp - This Man

As I stop to contemplate that Jesus was tempted, it reminds me that I am not alone. Even Jesus was tempted to stumble and step outside of the will of God. Luke 4:1-13 says: 1 Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, left the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness,2 where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry. 3 The devil said to him, “If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.” 4 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone.’” 5 The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. 6 And he said to him, “I will give you all their authority and splendor; it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. 7 If you worship me, it will all be yours.” 8 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.’” 9 The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down from here. 10 For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; 11 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”
12 Jesus answered, “It is said: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’” 13 When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him until an opportune time.

Francesca Battistelli - Motion of Mercy
TobyMac - Lose My Soul

We are all broken and shattered. It is only through the love of God that we find our reason to carry on.

The Fray - How To Save A Life
Kutless - Amazed
Matt Redman - You Never Let Go
Bebo Norman - I Will Lift My Eyes

God has just lead me to these - Psalms 121 & 123

Psalm 121
A song of ascents. ¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
   where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the LORD,
   the Maker of heaven and earth.
 ³ He will not let your foot slip—
   he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
   will neither slumber nor sleep.
 ⁵ The LORD watches over you—
   the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
   nor the moon by night.
 ⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
   he will watch over your life;
⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
   both now and forevermore.

Psalm 123
A song of ascents.
 1 I lift up my eyes to you,
to you who sit enthroned in heaven.
2 As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master,
as the eyes of a female slave look to the hand of her mistress,
so our eyes look to the LORD our God,
till he shows us his mercy.
 3 Have mercy on us, LORD, have mercy on us,
for we have endured no end of contempt.
4 We have endured no end
of ridicule from the arrogant,
of contempt from the proud.

God is our help and our strength, our merciful Father. He loves us beyond all measure. No matter what our struggles, God will carry us through and restore us to Him.

Third Day - Revelation
By The Tree - Beautiful One