Feeling Miserable

Right now, I'm sitting here feeling miserable. My body is exhausted, my mind won't slow down to let me sleep. I want to cut, just to change the feelings I have. My whole body hurts already. I feel like if I could just go score something to make me feel less numb, I would feel better. It seems like I need something to make me sleep at night and something else to make me feel awake. Don't worry, I don't have a death wish today. I just want to feel something beyond the cycle of numb, pain, and hurt. I want to find out what happy is like again. I know that to go back and start using again will destroy me, but sometimes the physical cravings are still so strong. The cravings only seem to get worse when the emotional is messed up as well. I just needed to tell someone what is going on in my head and my body right now.