Sometimes, the words which long to spew forth from your mouth are best left filtered or unsaid. Sometimes, it is best to leave people unprovoked. Sometimes, what you call a vacation is really a time for me to get myself reorganized. Sometimes, people just shouldn't talk to me. This is one of those days.
I'm on "Christmas break" this week from school and somehow it is assumed that it is just a vacation in the middle of the school year. That means I'm home all day, and because of others' work schedules and plans, I'm left without a vehicle. This wouldn't be so bad, except that the weather has taken a turn for the worse. Since my mother-in-law is also off, we are seeing a lot more of each other than usual. (I really can't say anything bad about her because she is usually awesome!) But this means that we are constantly in each other's way, because we haven't had time to re-establish the dynamics of how our schedules work. It also means that we say something to each other, and then it comes up again when our husbands come home. Which means I hear it twice. Not a desirable thing when it is something I don't want to hear (it is a topic which my husband and I have discussed to some extent, but not one in which we are ready for the input of others) and this repeated discussion is currently rubbing my last nerve raw.
I'm learning that I am going through one of those God-growth stages, where it is best to just leave me to my own devices unless you're going to say or do something that will make me really happy. Part of it may be that I'm probably vitamin D deficient right now, since I'm not getting much sunlight. I did go outside today - the trash and some of the recyclables needed hauled down to the street. Somehow, I managed to drop my favorite coffee mug on the living room floor and spill the entire cup - a special cup of marshmallow toffee coffee - along with breaking the handle off of it. I'm hoping the gorilla glue will fix it after it goes through the dishwasher.
At this point, I would love to be able to go to the gym and take a few classes a week again. My favorite classes all meet in the mornings, now that some of the instructors have changed. Which makes it hard when the first classes of the morning are meeting at the same time I need to be leaving for work. It looks like a lot of the evening classes have been cut, though that may just be for the holiday season.
Right now, I need to interact with someone I don't live with who won't pass judgement on me, my life, or my decisions moving forward. I'm not sure how much more criticism I can handle - and apparently it is only Tuesday (I spent most of the day believing that it was Wednesday). Hopefully, tomorrow I can get some laundry done and reorganize the top of my dresser (the avalanche is inevitable at this point) without too much drama. On days like this, I just feel trapped, like I can't do anything right and I might as well give up because I'm not worth it.
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