Struggling With A Calling

Sometimes, like today, I struggle so much with the discrepancy between where I feel like God is leading me and my education & training is lacking. I can totally see myself working with at-risk youth, mentoring, teaching, and counseling. I want to be able to foster growth and healing in these teenagers; to guide them away from the risky behavior they are moving toward.

When I think of where I was several years ago, I know that I want to be someone who truly makes a difference to these kids. I want to be able to show them what God has done in my life, where the healing and recovery I've experienced comes from. I want to see them move beyond the rough circumstances they may be in now and allow them to find God. I want to see them live up to their full potential.

It makes sense that to really help these teenagers grow into healthy, fulfilled adults, I need some training. If everyone just decided to do this, we'd have some really screwed up adults leading these kids further astray under the guise of learning experiences. But why does this training so often seem to require a full bachelor's degree, and in some instances even a master's or Ph.D.?

I know that I made a mistake in the major I chose as an undergrad, because I wanted to do things my way and not God's. I'm still trying to repay the debts that I incurred because of this mistake. If I had a do-over, I would have majored in Youth Ministry or stuck with Education - just switching from early childhood to secondary. But instead of majoring in something that would prepare me for where God was trying to lead me, I ran away. I was too scared of what it meant, too angry with God, too hurt by others to see the blessing that an education could provide me.

I know that I didn't totally waste those years, because it was while I was in college that I learned it was ok to question and argue with God. I also learned just how broken I was during those years, and it wasn't pretty. I would even say that in some ways, my painting was a form of art therapy for me. This was a good thing, since I practically lived in the studio spaces for three years.

Now, while I'm struggling with student debt from those years, I'm trying to not get out of the routine of classes too far, since I know I need more education at this point. To keep my learning skills sharp, I'm taking free classes on Coursera, Nixty, and through the Saylor Foundation. Unfortunately, as much as I am learning in these classes, most colleges at this point won't accept them because they are through non-accredited agencies, even though classes from Coursera are frequently provided by well-known colleges and universities.

I just wish that there was a way to do what I feel like God is leading me to do without years of formal training in a college classroom.